


I'll Let My Body Explain

by homopayno



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal, Blow Jobs, Bottom Zayn, D/s (kind of?), Dirty Talk, Fingering, M/M, Masturbation, Top Liam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-14
Updated: 2014-01-14
Packaged: 2018-01-08 18:30:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1136006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/homopayno/pseuds/homopayno
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He wants so much it aches like he’ll die without this feeling of Liam practically <i>owning</i> him. </p><p>or</p><p>Zayn really wants to be treated like a slut but Liam is the too nice, very oblivious boyfriend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Let My Body Explain

**Author's Note:**

> These characters are fictitious. One Direction are the loveliest of muses.
> 
> \--
> 
> Thank you to Hela, your kind words and encouragement to do this meant so much to me. 
> 
> I am forever grateful for such a wonderful friend and beta as Rachel. 
> 
> And this is for Ashley, for answering every text and message I sent while writing this. For encouraging me to explore these two characters in the kinkiest possible ways. You are an absolute joy, really.

Zayn has never had to pretend like this in his entire life. He's never had to act like what he's getting is exactly what he wants. The idea of lying about your needs in bed seemed so ridiculous and a foreign concept to him since the person you were in a relationship with should be the easiest to talk to. That is, until he started dating Liam. 

Stupid fucking Liam Payne.

Liam is the sweetest guy he's ever been with. He asks questions and when you answer he looks at you like whatever you're telling him means the world to him. He's so damn compassionate and kind that it makes Zayn's knees a little weak under the gaze of Liam's big brown eyes sometimes.

Liam never oversteps himself, always apologizes even when he does nothing wrong, and is quick to give Zayn all the attention he wants plus more. But the kind of attention Zayn needs, he's not getting and he has no clue how to go about asking.

Zayn has a lot of pride. His mum had told him that too much pride in a person can lead to a life unfulfilled but Zayn never understood that saying until now. He has always relied on his intuitive nature and impeccable instinct when going about getting what he wants. He's never had to ask for much in relationships because the person he was with had always been quick to understand without much talk and quick to give.

Zayn's kind of floundering because even though he knows Liam would give him anything he asks for, he has no clue how to go about telling Liam that he wants to be _wrecked_.

When they're in bed, Liam is all soft touches and tender kisses. He'll skim his nails over the sensitive skin of Zayn's belly and wait until he shivers all over, and then Liam will just giggle into the crook of his neck and place open mouthed kisses on his collarbones -- all these beautiful praises mumbled into his skin like Liam is trying to get them to stick on him permanently like his tattoos. Zayn likes it, he sometimes feels like he doesn't deserve that kind of attention, that unconditional love Liam will unabashedly give to him, but he'll take it all nonetheless. He just wishes that Liam's lovesick words would come with the scrape of his teeth down the column of his neck or his hands grabbing possessively at his thighs.

The thing about the whole situation that really gets Zayn about ready to go absolutely mad is the fact that Liam will give it to him every once in a while. Liam’s been bulking up over the past year and he hasn't quite gotten a handle on understanding his own strength. He'll push at Zayn roughly sending him halfway up the bed without meaning to. Zayn will always catch himself against the headboard and smirk at Liam while he blushes so prettily and bites at his lips.

Sometimes Liam's big hands will grab at him, palms on his bum that will squeeze until there's nail marks left, little bright red crescents on his skin. There was one glorious time when Liam got a good hand full of his hair and just pulled him back flush against his chest. Zayn came so hard that he blacked out for about a minute.

But it will all end too soon because Liam will be right by his side seconds later, cuddling him close, whispering apologies and patting at any bruised skin. Zayn'll tell him that it's okay, it's fine, but Liam will keep saying sorry and the only way for Zayn to get him to stop is to push him back against the bed and kiss him, get his tongue in his mouth so he can shut the fuck up about it.

Liam treats him like some sort of fragile piece of dishware and it's pissing him off. These days, when they're with the rest of the lads, Liam is often right up there with Louis when it comes to roughhousing and wrestling. Liam will roll around on stage with Harry in the middle of a damn concert, and Harry will always walk away from the scuffle with a new bruise, and Liam won’t even bat an eyelash about it -- but when Harry picks Zayn up bridal style while they're goofing around during soundcheck the day after, Liam will police his every move until he sets Zayn down.

Don't get him wrong, Zayn likes feeling special and wanted and loved so much he feels drunk on the overwhelming feeling of it. But there is a type of love that involves pushing your partner a little bit past what’s comfortable to see what they're made of and Zayn needs that kind of love right now. Theres this piece to their relationship that it seems like Liam is scared to tap into. Zayn doesn’t know if it’s because he doesn’t trust it to be strong enough, like Zayn is too fragile to take it or if Liam is just oblivious to this part of Zayn. 

Liam has a possessive side to him, Zayn knows that and has decided to exploit it to his advantage. He has slowly figured out how to push him without Liam explicitly knowing. Maybe that's a bad thing, maybe he should feel guilty about tricking his boy. Maybe.

They're in the shower together the next time Zayn takes advantage. There’s a seat in it so after he rinses himself off he promptly sits down on it, grabbing at Liam's hips to pull him over so he can get at his dick properly. He's still got a bit of eyeliner left on from the show, and a quick thought about hoping it isn't smeared too much crosses his mind before he wraps his hand around Liam's dick and squeezes.

The sounds Liam makes when he touches him are always the best, grunts and little puffs of air like he’s getting the wind knocked out of him. His tanned arms stretch out to splay his hands on the wall above Zayn's head. “Babe,” is all he says when he looks down at Zayn. His voice is rough from shouting and singing and laughing at tonight's show but his eyes blown black, a tunnel vision sort of gaze all focused on him. Zayn feels like he's glowing from the attention, an electricity bouncing between them that's got the blood in his veins thrumming.

Zayn's mouth falls open and he hopes he looks as pornographic as he feels, makes him feel dirty in the most divine way. He leans in to lower himself over the head of Liam's dick, pulling back the foreskin with his thumb. He rolls his tongue around it and tickles the tip of his tongue at the slit. The familiar salty taste of precome glides across his tongue as he starts to suck.

Zayn loves giving head and is very aware of how he looks while doing it. Liam's always been so good about letting him know how pretty he looks with his lips wrapped around him and now isn't any different. The soft pad of Liam's thumb comes down to trace the stretch of his mouth, sliding easily against water and spit. He looks up through his thick lashes and meets Liam's gaze.

“You look so sexy when you do that you have no idea.” Zayn thinks he has a little bit of an idea.

His cheeks hollow out as he sucks, accentuating the line of his scruff. He curls his toes against the tiled floor and wills himself to keep it slow. The steam is getting thick in the room now and he shivers against the warmth. Liam is breathing heavy, nostrils flaring, but other than that there isn't a sign of his composure breaking. Zayn doesn't like that; he needs to see Liam fall apart, wants him to be broken just as much as Zayn wishes he could be all the time under Liam’s touch. 

Zayn bats his eyelashes and lifts his fingers off of Liam's cock one by one as he sinks down on it, relaxing his throat so he can take all of Liam in. He likes to flaunt himself a little, especially for Liam.

His nose nuzzles the dark brown hairs at the base of Liam's cock, feeling him twitch and he just looks up and smirks as much as one can with a mouth full of cock. The feeling of Liam swelling up in his mouth has him gone foggy in the head. Liam's moans are bouncing off the walls of the bathroom and echoing in Zayn's ears so he starts to hum, adding his own harmony to the mix. A hand slaps down on his shoulder and he shakes his head a little bit, getting Liam's cock to hit as far back as he can before he has to pull off to suck in some air through his nose.

After the show, Liam was so keyed up on adrenaline, feeding off the crowd. Now, only a few hours later, Zayn has him worked up off his mouth. Liam's whole body is tense, all his muscles strung taught, his jaw flexing. His knees are finally showing a tremor, a sign of the control he tries to keep over himself slipping away. Zayn feels his heart swell a bit at the thought of being so close to getting what he wants. It normally happens like this, when Liam is so overwhelmed with energy that he can't control himself. Zayn just has to push the right buttons, figuring out what tonight's code is in order to break it.

He grabs at the backs of Liam's thighs and start to bob up and down on him, determined, the feeling of Liam heavy and fat against his tongue the only thing he can bring his mind to care about right now.

The spray of the shower running is background noise to the wet sound of Zayn sucking at Liam. It sounds lewd in his ears, mingling with these little whimpers that Liam is letting out. He takes a hand off Liam's thigh in order to tangle his fingers with Liam's that are still gripping at his shoulder. The room is so hot and he slips off the bench in order to feel the slightly cooler surface of the floor against his shins and knees. There’s a faint scent of hotel linen and soap in the air, but Zayn keeps taking deep inhales and is hit with that thick scent of Liam—of that sandalwood cologne he always wears masking the musky boy smell; the sweat of the evening washing off him and down the shower drain.

“Want your hands in my hair, feels nice.” He pulls off in order to say it, can feel spit run down his chin as he looks at his boy with wide eyes. Liam nods, but Zayn still has to guide Liam's hand to the back of his head before he goes back to work.

With Liam's fingers weaving through his hair, Zayn doubles his efforts. He wants to feel those fingers tighten, needs to feel a tug or, he thinks, maybe if he just swallows around the head of his cock that will get Liam to push him down further.

Liam has started to ramble now, incoherent words and sweet things, but Zayn does hear the word _'again'_ so he swallows some more, feels Liam's other hand cup his jaw and his thumb press into his cheek.

Zayn is done. He can't fight the natural instinct to go a bit slack; he sticks out his tongue and urges Liam on with a scrape of his nails down the back of his thighs. Liam's hips stutter forward and Zayn presses into it. He blinks back sudden tears, swallowing down spit and precome, willing his body not to choke. Liam can't see that -- Zayn’s so afraid that everything will stop if he does.

He moans a little bit too animated, too fake, in order to cover himself, but looks up to see Liam's head tipped back, some of the spray from the shower catching in his hair. Liam keeps fucking into his mouth so he clearly isn't being all that perceptive. Zayn’s throat is more relaxed now, ready for it, and his dick is starting to respond to what’s going on, so he starts to fist himself.

Every time Liam's nails scrape at his scalp or his tugs on his hair get rough, Zayn has to squeeze his cock hard in order not to come before Liam does.

“You getting off on sucking me?” Liam asks and before Zayn can nod and carry on with his task, Liam is pulling him off his cock to hear an answer, or to get a better look at Zayn fucking his own fist, he's not too sure.

“Wanna make you feel good, babe.” Zayn's voice sounds so fucked, a deep rasp that is making Liam curse. “Need you to come first.” As an afterthought, he tacts on a barely coherently “please” as he's already trying to get Liam back in his mouth. One of Liam's hands slides down to grip his shoulder again -- but this time Zayn can feel his nails biting into the skin, and the next moan out of Zayn is deep and so loud. Liam really goes for it then.

All his power surging up and out, his hips piston forward and Zayn really does choke this time. Yes, yes, yes. His hand is pumping at his own prick trying to keep up with Liam as best he can. Liam is so gone, shouting and pulling Zayn's face towards him with each thrust.

“Going to come for you, going to make it good, promise.”

Zayn can feel Liam coming before he even floods the back of his mouth. His legs shake so violently that a fear of them falling over flashes through Zayn's mind, but Liam rocks back on his heels and has steadied himself. He's pulled Zayn down, his nose flush against his abdomen and Zayn swallows, his brain going fuzzy with lack of oxygen.

The thing that pushes Zayn over the edge is a quick few words from Liam, so soft he wonders if he dreamed them up completely. “Yeah, take it.”

Zayn does; he takes everything Liam will give him. He wants so much it aches like he’ll die without this feeling of Liam practically _owning_ him. 

Zayn comes all over Liam’s shins, painting them white and then everything gets dizzy and he feels the floor shift beneath him. He wakes up thirty seconds later, propped up against the glass wall, shower turned off and Liam with tears in his eyes. He feels soft and lax, high off something that couldn’t compare to anything he’s ever smoked. 

He'll have to ask Liam to carry him to the bed. Liam will. Liam will dry him off, tuck him in and will whisper apologies over and over again until they both fall asleep. 

All Zayn wants to do is tell Liam he's the best thing that's ever happened to him.

–

Harry knows.

Zayn hadn't told Harry a damn thing either. He was just pushy and perceptive and for weeks upon weeks had been asking Zayn what was wrong; kept asking him why he looked different. When Zayn had tried to brush him off, Harry had told him he looked like a lost puppy sometimes and really Zayn had no clue how to answer that so he never gave one, never really tried. That nosy little shit had found out anyway -- not because Zayn had given in and finally had gone to a trusted friend for help and advice about his little sex problem, but because Harry had no boundaries.

It’s the end of September and only a week into their stint in Australia when Zayn found himself alone in the middle of a gorgeous afternoon. The sun was out, blazing hot, and he could hear the crash of the ocean waves from the balcony doors of his suite that were ajar. The humidity was thick and every so often a crisp breeze would cut it and cool his skin that was sticky with sweat and sun block.

Louis and Liam had gone off to catch a surf and Harry and Niall were laying out on the pool deck getting sunburnt and drunk off of mimosas. He had begged off to both pair's offers for him to join, saying he wanted to ring up his sister to check in on how she was doing at university. He felt a little bit bad about the lie. Only a tad bit bad.

He really just wanted a proper good wank. One that wouldn't leave him feeling guilty or frustrated like what had been happening when he was with Liam the past couple of months.

There was a mess of clothes littering his floor and he stood in the center of it in just his pants, kicking dirty shirts that he was sure belonged to Liam or Louis, around trying to find a small leather dopp kit where he kept his lubricant.

It had only been about five minutes into the search when frustration swelled inside him a little. He was seriously contemplating saying screw it and was going to go and just get the mini lotion that was sitting with the rest of the complimentary toiletries on the bathroom counter. He knew exactly what he wanted and didn't feel like waiting much for it, it's wasn’t like he was planning on taking much time with himself anyways. That's what made him pause, sigh to himself, and bend to lift up some more clothes.

If he wasn't going to be very careful once his hands were down his pants, he might as well get the right supplies before he even started. 

He began throwing a few items over his shoulders then, grabbing out at whatever was in his way. He picked up a pair of blue jeans that weren't his, a white bandana still hanging from the pocket. He made a mental note to tell Liam he was going to have to collect some of this stuff cause it wasn't fair that his room was becoming the hotel version of their junk bunk.

When he went to toss the jeans off to the side a flash of red cloth caught his eye and every muscle in his body stilled. Oh. A pair of briefs had fallen from the jeans and Zayn stared at them, mouth slightly agape.

He didn't understand what he was doing, but he was on his knees within seconds and shuffling his way over to them. He grabbed the briefs and just held them, wondering just how big of a freak this made him for wanting to use them somehow. He scrunched up the cotton material in his fist, then licked his lips, eyes darting to the locked door and then over at the open balcony, hearing the faint sounds of hotel guests twenty floors below on the private beach.

He looked back down at the pants. Liam's pants.

His prick was taking a very sudden and definite interest now. Zayn let his eyes flutter closed. He told himself that this was fine, this was okay, just wanting to have his boyfriend close somehow while he got off without him. Liam didn't need to ever know about it or anything. When he opened his eyes, his breathing was heavy and his eyes scanned the floor a bit slower finally resting on the bag he had been searching for.

Once he had what he needed, he placed the lube and briefs on the bed and kicked off his pants. His semi hard cock bobbed as he clambered onto the bed, and when the head of it caught against the downy soft comforter he flopped down on it, trapping his dick between his hot skin and the cool bedding.

He shamelessly rubbed against the mattress for a while, letting his knees slip apart. The dim glow of pleasure sat low in his stomach. Zayn liked it this way, with him not touching himself, not being able to get a hand around his dick because if he did he knew it would be over way too soon.

His leg brushed against something and his eyes shot open as he remembered, reaching a hand down blindly to grab at the briefs and bottle by his side. When the bright red material was at eye level he let go of them and just stared, giving a few weak thrusts of his hips down on the bed.

Zayn took slow breaths. He could smell Liam, so distinct and feral. He blushed, felt the heat scorch down his chest and swim in his belly. He bit at his lip and thought of his boyfriend -- how amazing would it be to have Liam's hand at his lower back, palm wide and practically spanning the width of his waist, pressing him down against the bed. The wet head of Liam's cock teasing up and down his crack.

He turned his head to whimper into the sheets, grabbing the bottle of lube and pouring a too large amount of it over his hand. He thought about how Liam had let such filthy words slip from his mouth in the shower. It had been weeks ago, but Zayn still remembers the dark tone his voice had taken on, the power behind them.

He let his hand fall with a sharp smack against his arse not caring about the lube handprint it will leave. A hum vibrates in his chest and he smiles to himself, letting his hand slide to slip his fingers down the crack of his arse, feeling his hole flutter. Zayn turned his head back to the briefs and looks at them with hooded eyes, hips thrusting lazily into the bed and back against his hand.

Needy whines and gasps fill the room, his lips bitten raw as he tries to hold them in and fails miserably. Zayn knows what he wants to do, but is still nervous about actually doing anything about it though.

He nudges the tip of his middle finger into himself, pressing back and sliding down to the first knuckle automatically, a curse falling from his mouth. He gets his knees under him then, rocking forwards and back on the one finger, knowing he could take more but not letting himself have it.

Liam always takes so long when getting him ready. Zayn knows it’s because he doesn't want to hurt him, but they've been fucking for almost a year and he's told Liam over and over again that he's definitely gotten used to his size, loves the thick girth of him stretching him open. He's since developed the fantasy of Liam going slow to torture him, to drive him absolutely insane with want.

“Please,” he gasps out into the empty room. His voice sounds foreign to him and his head is foggy. If he closes his eyes and lets himself get lost, he can almost feel Liam's hand at his hip pulling him back quick right down on his cock. Zayn thrusts another finger into himself, he wobbles on his knees a bit.

He knows he’s speaking, thinks it’s just a lot of moaning and pleading and this is it, where he needed to get to. The command forms in his mind. He has to take his fingers out. He whines at his own actions but the next second is reaching out for the briefs.

He hears Liam's voice, phantom and ringing in his ears as he pushes the fabric passed his lips, stuffing all of it in his mouth. _“Gonna shut you up, love.”_

Not wasting any time, he slips three fingers into himself, feeling the stretch of it against the ring of muscle. The fabric is dry on his tongue as he bites at the briefs, making his mouth water. The musky scent makes his nostrils flare, and he thinks he can taste Liam. He feels absolutely filthy with dirty pants in his mouth and fucking into himself so hard he can hear the obscene wet slap of his hand every time he rocks back.

It feels so right he's shaking, overwhelmed.

His free hand balls up tight, fisting the comforter. Liam's not going to let him touch his cock. It hangs thick and heavy, smearing precome all over the bed below him each time his hips come forward. He pumps into himself at a rough pace, can feel the dull ache of his wrist but the pain makes him stick his arse up higher and move faster.

He thinks of Liam's arms, muscle flexing to pull him onto his cock. He thinks of the way Liam's whole body flushes a pretty pink color when he's turned on and working hard, how the veins in his biceps and neck strain against the skin. Zayn loves when Liam leaves bruises on his hips when they're in this position, all he'd have to say to get Liam to go there is a few weak pleas for him to be held. _“Hold me tight, babe, need to know you're there.”_ And Liam would always do it, make sure that Zayn knew he was right there, never leaving. Liam wouldn't realize how tight his grip on Zayn's hips was until the next morning. Zayn would spend all day pressing at the bruises over his clothes.

He wished he had some bruises to press at now but settles for the thought of getting Liam to do it to him later. If he was lucky, maybe he could get a few hickeys out of it as well. He thinks of Liam's bottom lip dragging up his spine, the tip of his tongue flicking out to lick at the skin. He shudders, feeling the breeze from the open balcony play across his sweaty back.

The pants are soaked with his spit by now and Zayn wiggles a fourth finger in alongside the others fucking into the heat of his arse. Zayn's groan is loud, rumbling in his chest.

He's absolutely ruined, closes his eyes and it's Liam there -- Liam's big cock wrecking him, splitting him open, pushing so deep, too deep that tears cling to Zayn's eyelashes.

He lets the hand beneath him slip and he's falling against the mattress, fisting his hand in his own hair and pulling. He's got those four fingers so deep inside him that just the thought of trying to fit his thumb next to them has him bucking against the sheets, his cock pulsing and spitting come up the bed and all over his chest.

He shakes and cries out around the briefs, they muffle him only slightly, his fingers still inside him and soon he goes lax, his hand falling to his side only seconds later.

He spits out the wet cloth and takes in a few mouthfuls of air, smiling as the sounds of the outdoors beyond the balcony start to come back to his ears.

“Whoa.” The voice is low and Zayn jerks his head up and whips around.

Harry is standing there in his yellow swim trunks, skin pink from too much sun and face red from too much alcohol. He's holding two margarita glasses and his eyes are wide.

“Harry!” Zayn shrieks, pushing Liam's spit soaked pants off the bed and covering his dick with a pillow.

“So sorry, mate, I just wanted to come get you drunk enough to convince you to come down to the pool.” Harry is walking towards the bed, tripping over some of the items littering the floor. He sits next to Zayn, a tad bit too close if Zayn thinks about it, and holds out one of the glasses he's carrying. Of course Harry wouldn't get freaked out enough to just leave.

Zayn takes the glass because he's still so shaken that he can't quite think of all the words to say that will get his friend to just forget any and everything he just witnessed.

“You're blushing.” Harry comments, and takes a pull from his ridiculous swirly straw.

“You're drunk.” Zayn says, taking in the lazy grin on Harry's face and his dilated pupils.

“You're hot when you finger fuck yourself.”

“Harry! Oh my god!” Zayn tries to hide his face in his hand.

“I thought we were trading facts.”

Zayn peeks through his fingers to see Harry grinning at him. “How much did you see?” Zayn asks, clearing his throat.

“Well, saw you stuff those pants in your mouth and stick three fingers right up your bottom. Then I figured it would be really impolite to interrupt you but then I also thought you'd probably be thirsty afterwards so I waited.” Harry leans in to tap his glass against Zayn's. “Cheers.” He says then takes a drink.

Zayn wants the earth to open up and swallow him down into it, but he settles for the numbing feeling of alcohol and gulps down half the margarita, the sting of tequila hitting the back of his throat making him cough a little. He's happy Harry ordered them with extra shots. He's in need if Harry is going to make him talk about this.

“So, does Liam know you're this kinky? This why you been looking 'bout ready to pop him in the mouth every time he gets sweet with you?”

Zayn really hates that Harry is so perceptive. He may seem like he's in his own world but when it comes to his friends and family, Harry is scary in tune with what's going on with the people he loves. He's always trying to make sure everyone is happy.

“Um, yeah I guess it is,” Zayn sighs. “Look, let me wipe myself off okay? If you're gonna have me share secrets and braid your hair, like, at least let me put clothes on.”

Harry agrees, and Zayn doesn't let the sparkle in Harry's eyes when he mentioned hair braiding go unnoticed before he's throwing the pillow at his head and stomping off to the bathroom, margarita still in hand.

“Ew! Spluge!” Harry shrieks.

Zayn smiles to himself when he hears the thump of Harry falling off the bed.

–

“Have you asked him yet?”

They're all sitting around a huge table at a restaurant Louis had insisted they go to for a nice family style dinner. A lot of their crew are there with them -- there must be at least twenty or so people spanning the length of the table. Zayn had been in the process of passing some sort of seafood salad dish down the line so Paul could try some when Harry had leaned into him to start his invasive questioning.

“No, I haven't, can we not do this now?” Zayn muttered, flicking his gaze over to his other side to see that Liam was still in an animated discussion with Niall about a movie they had seen earlier in the day.

Harry ignored his request. “You have to do it some time, you should tell him later.” He's in the process of turning his baked potato into mashed potato, looking at it intently but talking out of the side of his mouth to Zayn. “We've got a free day tomorrow too. Perfect night to get slapped around.”

Zayn leans into him to give Harry's side a quick pinch. “Stop talking.”

“What? You gonna gag me or something?” Harry turns a shit eating grin at him and Zayn flushes scarlet.

After being unwillingly outed from the perverse and kinky closet a couple days ago, Zayn and Harry had been having little spats like this. To Zayn, it seems like it’s happening every few hours.

Harry had been encouraging and damn right inspirational when up on his soapbox while intoxicated. “Zayn, it is completely okay that you feel like that. Wanting him to have more control, it's okay to say it. Liam loves you.”

“But,” Zayn had hesitated for a brief second but Harry's eyes had been so open, so accepting,and the unconditional love was shining through. So he’d taken a deep breath and finally said it. “I want it to be humiliating like, and hurt some too.” He’d had to duck his head, scratching at his beard. He had never admitted that out loud before.

“I want that sometimes too,” Harry said, his voice softer. “I didn't know why for a long time but Lou helped me, he was real great about it.”

Zayn wasn't too surprised that that would be something Harry and Louis would be in to. Harry always seemed to enjoy getting manhandled and Louis was rough with everyone anyways. It was comforting to hear that there was someone close to him that understood. That was real nice actually.

“Yeah?” He finally looked back at Harry who nodded. Harry's hand rested on his thigh, a gentle touch but a pillar of support.

The fear inside Zayn had subsided a little since confiding in Harry. Even though Harry was pestering the crap out him about telling Liam exactly what he wanted, the pressure on his chest had been lightened a lot. He had known abstractly that it was okay for people to do the things that he had fantasized about, the things he had tricked Liam into doing to him, but it hadn't been real until someone he trusted told him it was perfectly fine for him to do those things too.

He still needed one person's permission though. The most important person in this whole situation.

Liam's hand came to rest low on his back. Zayn startled, shaking himself out of his thoughts.

“You alright?” His breath was hot against Zayn's ear, and he had to turn to look at him.

“M'alright.” He slipped his hand down to rub along the inseam of Liam's thigh beneath the table, an instinctive gesture he'd taken to doing when they were in safe places. He bit his lip before shrugging. “Been around people all day, energy is sort of drained.”

“Do you want to go?”

Liam looked so concerned but Zayn said that he'd be perfectly fine to finish the meal. There was a flutter deep in his gut when he managed to say, “I'll probably spend the night in, not feeling up for going out after. Stay with me, yeah?” He hoped that he sounded casual.

“Of course.” Liam's smile was easy, his fingers squeezing around Zayn's hip for a brief second before they were gone and Liam's attention was drawn away from him once again.

The rest of the meal went by quickly, Zayn wouldn't have been able to tell anyone who he had conversations with after that, let alone tell them what they were about. His stomach was in knots by the time they made it back to the hotel. He was starting to get a headache from thinking of the right way to go about telling Liam what his needs were.

 _Needs._ That’s really what this was turning into, something he absolutely needed, not just a fun thing he'd like to try out every once in a while.

Liam led Zayn by the hand into his suite. “You wanna watch a film, babe?” Liam asks, the pet name rolling off his tongue so easily once they were alone.

“Not particularly, no.” Zayn crawls onto the bed, kicking off his shoes.

“Oh, alright,” Liam made his way onto the bed as well, forcing Zayn to lay on his back as he made to hover over him. “You sure everything is okay?”

Their faces were inches apart and Zayn would only have to lift up a bit in order to slot their mouths together. Liam was already leaning down before he could do anything though, bumping their noses, waiting for an answer.

“I'm not sure.” Is all Zayn says and Liam frowns at that.

“What do you mean?” And when Zayn took too long biting at his lip and looking anywhere but directly in his eyes, Liam sighed. “Zayn?”

Liam placed his palm against Zayn's cheek, turning his head so they had to make eye contact. Zayn felt like he was choking on his own tongue. He was getting so angry at himself, pissed that he couldn't just spit it out already. Liam was looking at him with such adoration that his heart feels like it’s stuttered and quit out on him about fifty times in one minute.

“I—” He starts, then stops. He fists a hand in the front of Liam's shirt and whimpers.

“Baby?” Liam's voice is so soft, so low. There’s a familiar pulse, a spark of heat in his jeans that Zayn registers. Liam's never used that term of endearment with him before, but apparently he likes it.

Liam's thumb swipes back and forth over his cheekbone. Zayn tries to speak but nothing comes out, so Liam prompts him again. “Hey?”

Zayn hadn't realize his vision was blurring until he had to force himself to focus back on Liam's face.

Why was this so hard? Why couldn't Liam just read his mind for fuck's sake? Zayn was stubborn and this was just too much for him to do, too much for him to ask for.

Liam's face was full of concern when the next question came out of his mouth. “What do you need?”

Zayn groaned and pushed himself up against Liam so hard that Liam's hand came to grab at his back to stop them from toppling over. Zayn smashed their lips against each other, teeth knocking together, sure to leave bruises on the thin sensitive skin. He wasted no time in biting and sucking at Liam's bottom lip.

He was frantic, assumed Liam thought he was mental but then Liam's grip on him tightened and he pushed into the kiss as well.

Zayn hooked a leg around Liam's hips, his calf catching and pulling against the low slung jeans halfway down Liam's bottom. He rubbed himself on his boyfriend, absolutely shameless. Why was it so easy to just do rather than talk?

Liam kept flicking his tongue out, licking into his mouth and lightly at his top lip. “I've got you, don't worry.” He insured his words by pulling Zayn up to sit in his lap, the quick movement making the blood in Zayn's head rush in his ears.

His head rested in the crook of Liam's neck. “Do you?” He asked, a whisper against Liam's skin that he prayed he hadn't heard the second it was out of his mouth.

Liam's whole body stilled and Zayn turned his face to suck at the sensitive spot he knew Liam liked best, trying to get him to move. “Zayn?” No luck.

“Wha—?” He practically whined and made his hips twist into a filthy grind against Liam's groin.

The sweaty press of Liam's forehead against his own is what got Zayn to open his eyes. The look on Liam's face made him feel like he was drowning.

They stared at each other for a long second before Liam's words ghosted across his face. “Of course.” His conviction was unwavering. “I'll always take care of you, Zayn.” He followed it by peppering light kisses to the side of Zayn's nose, his top lip, his cheek. “Love you.”

Zayn saw it, saw himself walking down that easier road. It was out of his depth to do anything but let it happen.

“Show me?” He said, hands already rucking up the front of Liam's t-shirt.

“Yeah.” Liam nodded, pulling his shirt the rest of the way off and reaching down to tug Zayn's over his head as well. “Yeah,” he said again against Zayn's lips before pushing his tongue between them.

The hands resting at Zayn's hips were barely noticeable and he lifted his own off of Liam, registering the tremor in his fingers before pressing them over Liam's hands, forcing his fingers to dig deeper into his skin. Once he was sure Liam's grip on him would hold strong he let go and laced his fingers through the short hairs at the back of Liam's neck.

His dull nails scraped against Liam's scalp and the hands at his waist pulled him flush against Liam. The line of Liam's cock was more defined with each shift of Zayn's hips. He was very slight with his movements though and Liam—bless him really—had started to move Zayn into the pace he liked.

“Uh huh,” Zayn hummed, sucking a wet line of kisses across Liam's jaw and down his neck.

Liam felt so solid beneath him, his arms encasing Zayn in his lap, his long fingers dipping down every other thrust of their hips to graze his arse. Zayn had always been so slight next to Liam, but when they were this close he felt absolutely tiny; he loved that. The air around them was charged, Zayn knew he was letting tension roll away from him in waves.

Liam's hand wedged between them, and he tried leaning back but Zayn wouldn't allow it. His tune quickly changed once he realized Liam was only trying to pull at his zip and then flicked open the buckle on Zayn's jeans.

Zayn was pleading then, “Yeah Li, fuck me please, need it, need you.” His hand slipped into the open fly of Liam's trousers and palmed his dick.

He saw the way Liam's eyebrows shot up at his exclamation. Zayn was normally the quiet one during sex and if he did get loud it wasn't until well towards the end. He bit his lip and felt himself blush. He knew he was being reckless, his nerves were an absolute mess.

Liam's cock twitched against his palm and Zayn squeezed him harder, going back in for a kiss. Before he could make contact Liam flopped back onto the bed, bucking his hips, which caused Zayn to fall forward. His hands flew out to steady himself on Liam's broad chest.

“You're killing me right now,” Liam said, and he fit a hand down the back of Zayn's jeans, grabbing his arse and pulling him down so their groins could slot together. He ground up, a slow and sinful thrust that had Zayn's cock filling in his pants. The move had Liam growling in his face, and his palm soon reached to span across Zayn's small arse, a finger slipping up and down the line of his crack.

Liam stilled his hips immediately after that, catching himself and Zayn could actually see the resolve on Liam’s face, in the crease of his brow. Zayn didn't hide his facial expression either, his response tainted with anger and frustration. 

“Don't want it slow tonight.” He shook his head, a little in awe that he was able to say something even if it was a fraction of what he meant.

“O-okay,” Liam said, his hands sliding up Zayn's back to squeeze his shoulders. It was obvious he was unsure of what was happening but didn’t address it. “Got to get you naked then, love.”

Zayn clambered off of Liam to shuck off his jeans before Liam could even get the opportunity to undress him. Liam would probably get too cute with it and Zayn would never be able to go through with this. 

He pressed back into Liam, at his side, sliding a finger into one of his belt loops and tugging at it but not making a move to pull them off. Liam got the hint, shedding himself of the trousers and his briefs. He rolled over then, grappling for something at the side of the bed.

The second Zayn's eyes noticed the familiar gold wrap of a condom his heart fluttered; he had an idea and immediately spoke it before chickening out. “Don't use that.” Liam looked down at his hand that was holding a small bottle of lube, and then back at Zayn with wide eyes.

“No, no, no, I meant—” Zayn nodded toward the condom that had been tossed over to his side, laying in wait. He laughed a little, watching Liam’s shoulders relax and he couldn’t help but feel a deep glow of fondness for the sweet boy he had.

“Ohhh,” Liam laughed at himself and crawled back over to Zayn's side. “You sure? It'll get messy without it.” He kissed at Zayn's jaw, nuzzling his beard and smiling.

Zayn flushed at the thought of Liam filling him up with come. He was very aware of how much of a load Liam could give especially if it had been a few days since they'd gotten off. “I-I... Yeah, I know.” He finally managed to say, looking around the room instead of at his boyfriend.

Liam maneuvered them so that he could hover over him, one hand planted on the bed beside Zayn’s head; Zayn turned his face to place a light kiss against his wrist. Zayn parted his thighs and let himself be moved, and Liam settled in between them. “If that's what you want.” Liam was smiling and kissing him, tiny pecks when all Zayn wanted was for Liam to bite him instead.

It was only minutes before Liam finally had slicked up his fingers and was rubbing circles around Zayn's arsehole. Zayn pushed down against Liam's middle finger that was teasing its way inside.

“Right. Not slow.” It almost seemed like Liam was actually talking to himself, psyching himself up or something. His brow furrowed as he looked down between Zayn's leg to watch his finger disappear inside him.

Liam pulled back out and bit his lip, flicking his gaze up to watch Zayn before adding another finger on the second thrust. Zayn moaned approval. It was an amazing thing to watch, Liam's confidence build right before his eyes. The thrusts of his hand became quick, easier, and Zayn fucked himself against Liam's fingers as best he could, shuddering whenever Liam got bold and scissored his fingers apart as he withdrew them.

Zayn's hand was gripping at Liam's forearm as he worked him. He could feel the muscles flexing with each press. A loud curse ripped from his throat when Liam added a third finger and drove it deep with a rough twist of his wrist. “Yes, oh god,”

Sweat was forming at his top lip and the hollows of his neck, Zayn was panting. He looked down his body to see his fat cock smear precome all over his stomach and twitch every time Liam did something absolutely wonderful with his fingers.

“Think you're ready for me, hmm?” Liam asked, and only then did Zayn notice Liam's other hand, pumping himself, tanned skin against that rosy pink color Liam's dick took on when he was hard.

Zayn nodded, his mind going dumb and his tongue feeling heavy and too big for his mouth. Liam pulled his fingers all the way out in order to coat himself with more lube. The loss of something inside him had Zayn clenching and pulling his knees back to present himself. He must have made quite the picture, spread open and needy, a sheen of sweat covering his naked skin.

“Zayn, you look...” Liam was fumbling for the right words and never finding them because he settled for action instead. He hitched one of Zayn's legs up higher, fitting his hand in the crook of his bent knee.

The blunt head of Liam's cock pressed at him, pushing easily and breaching the tight ring of muscle. He slid all the way in with one steady press of his hips. A woosh of air escaped Zayn's lungs and his eyelids drooped as he went utterly lax and pliant under Liam's touch. Zayn stretched to accommodate Liam's girth, his dick sitting stiff and so heavy inside him.

“Gonna just,” Liam started and pulled out in order to ram back into him. Zayn felt it then, the sharp pain that shot up his spine and tingled all over his body. It faded into a tight and distinct pleasure when Liam pulled back only to repeat the motion.

He was shouting Liam's name, begging him not to stop whenever it seemed like he was wavering or seeming to take it down a notch in concern for Zayn. “Don't wanna hurt you,” he said, leaning down to kiss him.

“S'okay,” Zayn said. “Like it.”

Liam's next thrust seemed to catch them both off guard, sending Zayn a good couple inches up the bed and causing Liam to groan into his mouth.

“You want me to make it hurt?” Liam asked, speeding up his pace.

“Yeah, yes.” Zayn couldn't believe this was happening. His body was overheated and he felt like all coherent understanding was fuzzy, his brain feeling a bit melted.

“God, babe, why didn't you tell me?” Liam pushed Zayn's leg down into his chest and spread him wider. The smell of sweat and sex was thick in the room and Zayn had turned his head away from Liam in order to find any form of cool air. “Zayn,” Liam prompted, and when all Zayn could do was whine and run his hand up to grip at his bicep, he fisted a hand in Zayn's hair and turned his head in order to make him look as he demanded, “Answer me.” 

Zayn's brain short circuited.

“Please, Liam.” He was shaking and stuttering over every start to a possible answer. All he knew is that he needed Liam to take him, own him. “Was scared,” he whispers, his voice cracking.

Liam's eyes widen and his hand drops away from his hold on the back of Zayn's thigh. Zayn's heart is slamming against his ribcage, panicked, but before he can form enough words to elaborate Liam has hauled him up, his cock still nestled inside his arse.

The motion is fluid and Zayn has to clamp his legs around Liam's waist. Liam lifts at the knees and slams Zayn against the headboard, his shoulder blade colliding with the dull edge of the top frame. His head thunks against the wall as he cries out, more shocked than hurt.

“We promised we'd never keep secrets, Zayn.” Liam is flush against him, all movement paused. The light scratch of Liam's chest hair against his skin has him clenching around Liam's cock, wiggling to get him to fuck him again.

“I know, I'm sorry I just,” Zayn swallows and Liam has to swivel his hips to get him to continue. “I didn't know if you'd think I was a freak for wanting it.”

“I'd never think of you like that.” Liam kisses his throat and his ear, the grip he has on Zayn becoming painful enough for Zayn to buck against him.

Zayn shuts his eyes and lets the words spill out of him. “Fuck me then. Fuck me hard enough that I'm sore all week and I promise I'll tell you. Please Liam, please.”

“Everything?”

“Everything.”

“Alright then.”

Liam lays into him after that. His hips bang against the headboard and he grips Liam's shoulders, his nails scratching the skin. Zayn can feel the bruises on his shoulder blades forming, and he smiles.

“Want it hard, yeah?” Liam is talking in his ear. “Want it to feel like I'm using you? Using your arse? Nice little hole for my dick.” 

Zayn knew Liam was a talker, knew he was capable of talking dirty, had been the recipient of minor outbursts before but nothing compared to the filth he was spewing now.

Liam was pounding right against that sweet spot causing Zayn to bite at his lip so hard he thinks he's drawn blood. He knew he couldn't hold out, a few more deep thrusts and Liam biting down on his neck and he is so completely done.

He came silently, muscles tensing, mouth open, and cock untouched. Come stripped up his chest and splashed over Liam's stomach. He slid his hands down Liam's torso as he went limp, his muscles giving up. They slid through the mess at Liam's belly button and he rubbed it into his skin.

Liam was still fucking him, making his body rock and bounce up against the headboard, the loud crack of it sure to be heard by their entire hotel floor.

“Come on Liam.” Zayn's eyes locked on his. “Fill me up.”

Liam growled and crowded Zayn against the wall, trapping him. Zayn felt a flood of heat inside him and he tightened around Liam as he rode it out. He moaned into Liam's hair, damp with sweat. This wet feeling inside him was something new and he registered the fact that he quite liked it.

Liam was still pumping into him when come started to coat his cock and slip out of his hole with each thrust. He could feel how sore he was then and could only image how it would be tomorrow. Liam would have to carry him everywhere he concluded -- he'd make him.

It took him some urging and a few weak shoves before Liam was pulling out and settling him down against the pillows. He laid down beside Zayn, pressing a knee in between his and slipping a hand down to feel at Zayn's arse. He slid two fingers across his hole and Zayn drew back, oversensitive.

“You're so wet,” Liam stated, trying to reach down again, and the second time Zayn allowed it. “You’re perfect Zayn, I don’t want you to feel like, embarassed about this stuff. You have to talk to me about it, promise?” Liam’s eyes were soft, a muted brown. Zayn cuddled closer, taking Liam’s hands and wrapping them around him in the way he liked best.

He hummed his agreement, turning a goofy smile on his boyfriend. “Thank you.”

“Love you,” Liam said, a smile stretching across his mouth as well.

Zayn knew he needed to explain himself fully to Liam, knew he needed to make sure that Liam understood how important this was to him. How grateful he was to have Liam, how special this gift was. Zayn also knew he really needed to get up and go wash all this spunk off of himself.

All of that was hard to do because the room was still so warm, so cozy and Liam's fingertips were ghosting up and down his side, tender and affectionate. 

He slipped into unconsciousness so quick and easy, a dreamless sleep. A peaceful one too.

–

Zayn is in the middle of reading through an email when Liam comes up behind him and forces three fingers into his mouth.

“Baby?” Liam's voice is playful and right next to his ear, his chin hooked over Zayn's shoulder.

“Hmm?” Zayn takes off his glasses, pushes his laptop away from him and leans back in his chair, back into Liam's space.

“Need to fuck you right now. I need my favorite slut to bend over for me.” Zayn moans at that and sucks at the fingers in his mouth.

It's been a couple months of this, of Zayn finally being open and honest about exactly what he wants.

Liam has been getting bolder with each time they do this. Zayn always thought himself the more creative between the pair of them, but Liam has made him do things that he would have never imagined on his own, things that make him come so hard he's seen stars and possibly Allah on more than one occasion. 

Liam pulls the chair back and hauls Zayn up by his shirt collar, shoving him down toward the table. Zayn's palms slap against the wood surface right as Liam's got a fist full of his joggers and yanks them down to his knees. He's not wearing any pants -- Liam told him not to.

“You keeping yourself ready for me like I asked?” Liam is already shoving two fingers into him to find out. “Lovely,” he says once he feels how slick Zayn is from the fingering he gave himself earlier.

“Always ready for you, Liam.” Zayn wiggles his arse and bends down to flatten his chest against the table, smiling.

“Such a proper slut.” Liam brings a hand up to slap at one of Zayn's bare arsecheeks and then is moving on before Zayn can beg for more of that. He grabs Zayn's wrists and brings them behind his back, holding onto them with one hand.

When Liam enters him it always feels good and right, always leaves him a bit stupid.

His thrusts are powerful from the get go, smooth and quick, jackhammering into his tiny body with only a firm hand at the top of his spine to ground Zayn to the moment.  
Liam has taken to instructing him not to blow his load until he says he can and that's exactly what he tells him now. Zayn's cock is trapped beneath him, squeezed between his body that's being pounded on and the table, solid and unforgiving.

Zayn tests the hold Liam has on his wrists just to see if he could break it. “No, no babe, can't get away from me.” Liam's voice is light and seemingly unaffected but his thrusts began to get urgent, puncturing his rhythm with a few nasty grinds against him, their ballsacks slapping and rubbing against each other. 

The grip at Zayn's wrists tightens to the point he thinks Liam may snap his bones but then he feels it—Liam coming, hot and thick, with Zayn's name tumbling off his lips.

Theres no time wasted before Zayn is clenching round nothing and being spun around and pulled into Liam's lap as he falls back into the chair Zayn had been occupying. The arms of the chair dig into Zayn's thighs but he doesn't mind it especially since a second later Liam's hand is fisting his dick, getting him to stiffen up.

He's telling Zayn what a good boy he is and how he has the most incredible boyfriend ever but Zayn is too busy looking at the red fingermarks that are on his wrists, hes got his hands grabbing at Liam's shoulders for support and he's in awe. He wonders if they'll turn purple, thinks he'll have to find some sort of band or bracelets to cover the bruises. He smiles and drops his forehead to rest against Liam's and focuses more on the hand at his cock.

Liam's hands are so good at this, taking him apart piece by piece. Zayn rocks into his fist but stutters to a stop every time Liam twists his wrist just right.

“Still need something in you, huh baby?” Liam's fingers are tickling over his hip and arse.

“Yes, need 'em in me,” he mumbles against Liam's lips.

He feels the smile before he hears it in Liam's reply. “What was that?”

“Please finger fuck me already, Liam, I swear—”

He's being stuffed with three fingers before he can say another word. Liam squeezes the tip of his cock at the same time and it’s over. Zayn comes but this time he's loud, screaming and shaking in Liam's lap.

Once Liam is sure that he's finished, he pulls his fingers out and pats Zayn's bum.

“I didn't say you could come.”

Zayn blinks and makes to sit up properly to look Liam in the face. “Oh, I, um...” None of Zayn's motor skills haven't caught up to him yet and he just stares at Liam.

Then his boyfriend smirks. Zayn can sense a wicked idea forming. He bites his lip, trying not to smile.

“Gonna have to make you pay for that one.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> Title from JoJo's song 'Demonstrate'  
> Tumblr post [here](http://homopayno.tumblr.com/post/73337681562/ill-let-my-body-explain). Comments are always greatly appreciated.


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